What's covered: How to identify disempowering language in yourself & others; How to be more honest about your real feelings & change your limiting beliefs
I've been hearing this sneaky "s" word a lot lately from clients: should.
For example, "Should I do this?" or "This shouldn't be happening" or "I should be better."
During a session, I can immediately tell how a person is relating to a situation, person or themself, depending on the disempowering or empowering language they use.
Take a moment and feel into the energy around the word "should" (including its close cousins "supposed to" or "have to" or "ought to"). Is it light, open and empowering? Or, does it feel heavy, contracted and conditional?
A simple way to tell whether language is empowering or not, is to observe how it feels. For example, if you feel small, limited, sh*tty, forced, hopeless or helpless, then it's highly likely you're reenforcing disempowered or unconscious ideas about yourself or others.
Honest Communication: Be Truthful About Your Real Feelings
Our spoken words can accurately reflect our inner mental state, giving us clues as to how we're really feeling, rather than how we're wanting to appear or wanting others to see us.
Sneaky, disempowering words thrive in the shadows, so let's get out the flashlight and start actively creating a new way of communicating with yourself and others.
Unconscious Conditioning: How To Turn It Around
3 common examples of disempowered words and how to flip it using empowered language!
I can't
Common usage: I can't express myself; I can't do it; I can't get over this trauma (or painful past experience).
Why it's disempowering: In most situations, the word "can't" is simply untrue. Instead, it's often used to avoid taking responsibility; it also keeps you locked into a contracted and limited mind / body state.
When it's used: The word is often used when your inner child is in the driver's seat, when you feel small and victimized, or when you're sabotaging yourself from moving forward.
Alternative empowered language: I'm in the process of learning how to express myself; I can do it / I won't do it; I will get over this trauma with the support of...
Never / Always
Common usage: My Mum never values my opinion; My body always feel tense; My partner never listens to me.
Why it's disempowering: These words are absolute terms. When used, they strongly state there are NO exceptions or other possibilities, which is intrinsically inaccurate. For example, can you absolutely say, with no exception, your Mum NEVER values your opinion?
When it's used: This word is often used when you're playing the victim to a person or situation, reenforcing an old mental narrative over and over again.
Alternative empowered language: In many situations, my Mum doesn't value my opinion; My body often feels tense; My partner frequently doesn't listen to me.
But
Common usage: I know deep down I need to make changes, but it's all too hard; I understand why she's annoyed, but it's not that big of a deal.
Why it's disempowering: A teacher once told me "but stands for bullsh*t." In other words, what is said after the word "but" cancels out the first part of the sentence, making it powerless, aka null and void!
When it's used: This word is often used when you're feeling strong inner conflict, torn between your aware higher self (see first part of sentence) and your past-conditioned lower self (see second part of sentence, "but...").
Alternative empowered language: Put a full stop. I know deep down I need to make changes. It's really hard.
Replace "but" with action affirming terms, such as "therefore I'm willing to... / so it's time to..." I understand why she's annoyed, therefore I'm willing to...
(Psst! You don't need to banish "but" from your vocabulary entirely; it's more about being aware of when you're using it in a disempowering or unconscious way.)
Subconscious Programming: Clues In Conversation...
The way we talk and our choice of words can become a BIG waving flag to others - and more importantly, yourself - about the subconscious programming or limiting beliefs we have running.
We so frequently use disempowered dialogue in our everyday conversations (as well as in our chatterbox head) that we become oblivious to how it's reenforcing old patterns or perpetuating outdated thinking.
Empowered Language: Speak With Awareness
Make your words work for you!
Don't be stuck on dialogue autopilot.
Start using words in a way that works for you, and reflects who you are and where you are in your life now.
Keep listening to your body and trusting your wise self,
Lauren x
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